Lessons · Teaching · de-escalation, in order
De-escalation, in order
When somebody has escalated, the order of your moves matters far more than the words: your own volume first, then the audience, then a short private sentence, and the consequence later when everybody is calm.
Hone is a place to practise a career, one idea a day. This is one of its lessons, written out in full and free to read without an account.
What it is for
You corrected a raised voice in front of thirty people and it went from an incident to a scene in nine seconds. None of that was about the person. An audience makes backing down impossible, and taking the audience away is the first real move rather than the last.
How to think about it
Drop your volume and your pace, because the room takes its temperature from you. Move the class on or step aside, so nobody is performing. Say one short thing quietly, with a way out that needs no apology in front of anybody. Deal with it properly later, in private.
Worked example
Lower your voice and slow downThe only step that is free, and the one that decides the next thirty seconds.
Move the class on, or step aside with themThe first real move: nobody backs down in front of thirty people.
A private sentence, under 20 words, one instructionShort, quiet, one thing. Long is an argument.
Follow it up later, in private, when it is calmThe behaviour is still dealt with. Later, and in front of nobody.
Your turn
Write the line that names what has to be taken away before anything else can work.
Take the away before you say anything else.
Solve one, graded on the server
The trap
Requiring a public apology on the spot. It makes calming down impossible for exactly the person who needs to calm down, and it is not the same thing as the behaviour being dealt with.